Entering the Affordable Care Act

“There are eight million stories in the naked city” . . . or there are 20 million stories about trying to sign up for the Affordable Care Act. (OK, you have to be 50 or older to think this is clever.)

I got a letter yesterday from the New Mexico Income Support Division telling me I’ve been approved for Family Planning Medicaid, which covers only “medical services for family planning: to prevent or delay pregnancy or to manage family size.”

I’m really glad to hear that this service is being provided through Medicaid. But seeing as how I’m 63 years old, I have two children aged 32 and 25, and a 4-month old grandchild, it’s unlikely—impossible—I’m going to need these services. Every time I look to buy anything on the Internet there’s an immediate ad on Facebook trying to sell me the same thing from a different company, but the Income Support Division doesn’t know how old I am?

I already know I won’t qualify for regular Medicaid under the ACA. But I had incredible luck —right time, right place—when several years ago an insurance program in New Mexico called State Coverage Insurance (SCI) rose from the ashes to provide coverage for folks like Mark and me. We’d never had any health insurance, ever: we traded various products and services for bills—pot for one of the kid’s birth, ski lessons for Mark’s hernia—or we paid $50 a month for 10 years. Miraculously, the SCI program that targeted those who made too much money to qualify for Medicaid but too little to possibly afford private insurance saved my sorry 55 year-old butt. That’s the age when it seems our baby boomer bodies start to fall apart: knee replacements, hip replacements, autoimmune disease, high blood pressure, the dreaded cancer . . . .

Now I have to buy a private insurance company policy that without the tax credit subsidy from the federal government would bankrupt anybody: five, six, seven hundred dollars a month for health insurance? Do I gamble and hope I won’t end up in the hospital this one year I have to buy insurance—before I’m of Medicare age—and go for the high deductible, low co-pay plan? Do I play it safe and take the low deductible, high co-pay for those doctors I unfortunately have to see fairly often knowing that like many others my age hospitalization is probably on the horizon? Maybe I’ll just close my eyes and wherever I click is what I’ll get.

I’m far better off than younger folks who will be faced with high premiums for many years to come. We all know this is a paean to the insurance companies, an extension of the already privatized health care business with some concessions for coverage. Even Mexico, for Christ’s sake, implemented universal, single payer health insurance last year. While we continue to send junk food and subsidized corn their way maybe they’ll export some health insurance al norte.

So, my friends, LOL, in all its ambiguity: lots of luck (or lust), laugh out loud, laugh on Lipitor, or lean on levity but don’t spend too much time trying to figure out why this country is so fucked up.

Alabama Shakes

I’m in love. With Alabama Shakes. With Brittany Howard.

I was completely depressed by my fight with the politicos in Taos County over water rights and needed some relief. So I put on Alabama Shakes, turned up the volume, and fell in love. How could I not, listening to Brittany sing, “Bless my heart, bless my soul, I didn’t think I’d make it to 22 years old.” And then she sings, “I’m not whom I used to be.”

Who is this Alabama child? All I know from the internet sites is that she started playing guitar in high school, went to another guitar player in high school and said, hey, want to play guitar together in high school and write some songs? Add a drummer, a lead guitarist (although Brittany is lead any time she wants) and somehow, these twenty something southern post high school band mates are the bomb.

It’s kind of R&B, kind of blues, kind of white southern rock, with a twist of female angst that takes it someplace else. She’s soulful, she’s sassy, she’s big, she’s beautiful, “she’s black, she’s white” (as one fellow Alabaman described her), she’s rock ‘n’roll! 

Some in the media have been comparing her to Janis Joplin, but she defers from this and rightly so. While they both have that raspy voice, Brittany rocks out with something equally primal but with more cool than angst. In one interview she talks about singing at the Grammys with Mavis Staples (see I'll Take You There) and how unique Staples’ phrasing is in any genre: gospel or blues or R&B. Maybe we’ll be saying that about Brittany, too, as she starts off on a career that will hopefully take her wherever she wants to go.

And along with the voice she can play that guitar. I carry many guitar riffs around in my head—the opening strain of “Gimme Shelter,” Mark Knopfler on “Sultans of Swing,” Eric Clapton on “Layla”—and now I’ve got the driving garage band guitar on “Hang Loose” and “I’m Not the Same.” And it’s a woman doing the driving! Keep hanging in there, Brittany, we’ll be with you every step of the way.

Having Babies

My daughter-in-law Casey recently posted an article on Facebook “The Unnatural Mom” by Krista Infante, who reflects back on the birth of her son and the guilt and inadequacy she felt when the experience didn’t replicate the “birth plan” she formulated. It’s a common story, but one that needs to be repeated to remind mothers, and fathers, that every birth story is different and is only one chapter in the longer story of being a parent and loving a child.

As a member of second wave feminism my own opinions about childbirth were a reaction against its cooption by the male ob-gyn industry that developed post World War II, confining our mothers to hospital beds, replacing breasts with bottles, and raising the percentage of caesarian sections to levels beyond the need to save lives to the desire for “efficiency” and to insulate against lawsuits. We wanted to make the decisions about home versus hospital, midwife versus doctor, drugs versus no drugs, which were really options, not clear-cut choices, in a world of few certainties except the overriding need do whatever is necessary to have a healthy baby.

As pendulums often do, this one swung quite far in the so-called quest for a “natural” birth that over the years grew to include birth plans, birthing classes (which replaced Lamaze classes whose “hee-hee-hoos” breathing techniques proved to be largely useless, to which I will attest), bath tubs, birthing balls, doulas, and every conceivable consumer product the baby industrial complex could invent.

In recent years the Google and Yahoo post-feminists have declared war on “natural” and are rallying to swing the pendulum back to their version of the days of ob-gyn supremacy, C-sections, and formula, all with the goal of paying as little attention to that bothersome work of “producing” a baby so they can get back to the all important work of producing cell phones and surveillance.

So what’s a mom to do? I can only tell you that Casey, who fell into the “natural” category in preparing for baby Lucia, magnificently proved, over the course of four days, that we do whatever we have to do to safely birth a baby, and everything else flies out the window. After three days of labor at home, bad enough to deprive her (and Jakob and me, to a lesser extent), of sleep but not bad enough to enter the hospital, where the midwives waited, she was exhausted. Then, over the course of the next 24 hours, so many decisions had to be made during so many unexpected events that at one point I found myself saying (to myself), I can’t do this, I don’t think I can do this, and I wasn’t having the baby. But Casey focused and persevered as labor periodically stalled, as the epidural that was supposed to relieve the pain didn’t work, as her blood pressure rose and the baby’s heart rate dropped trying to get the epidural to work. When someone raised the option of a C-section, she announced to all of us that she did not want one, and despite the exhaustion and pain she would continue to labor. When the midwife finally said it was time to push, Casey did so for four hours with every ounce of strength she possessed, and finally, at the end of four days, there was little Lucia, who, as I said in my previous post “Waiting for Lucia”, will now consume our lives forever. You did good, Casey, and now you have a birth story that is all yours. Have fun telling it.

Waiting for Lucia

While waiting for my grandchild Lucia to be born doesn’t bear the absurdist burden of waiting for Godot—who never shows up—it does require distraction. How this distraction fits into daily life is where the anxiety comes in. Do I start a new article because I know I need something for next week’s La Jicarita or because it’s going to make the time pass until the phone rings and Jakob tells me, “Casey’s in labor”?   Do I need to make time to water the houseplants and hoop house and flower garden RIGHT NOW in case the phone rings and I have to get in the car and go to Albuquerque (my bag is already packed)? Do I dare take a hike? Should I write a blog post because I can’t really focus on anything else? Obviously, the latter possibility prevailed.

I went to the neighbors’ house for dinner last night—Jakob knows the number (no cell phones in El Valle)—and with several generations of mothers present the talk naturally turned to birth stories. When we were younger, having our kids, we told our birth stories over and over again, partly to delight in our shared experience and partly to reaffirm in our own minds that we actually did this, we birthed these little creatures who would go on to consume our lives forever.

Now that we’re grandmothers, or impending grandmothers, we get to tell our stories all over again. And what a diversity of experience they reveal: a homebirth where the midwife had to walk up the impassable muddy road because of the spring mud; 12 hour homebirths with older kids in attendance; first births that came in two hours; induced labor births that ended in c-sections. When the discussion turned to the option of epidurals when complications or extended labors demand relief, the dad who was listening in said something about difficulties that may result from a spinal. He was quickly put in his place when his wife said if she’d have had access to an epidural during her long labor—she delivered at home—she’d have taken it in a heartbeat. Casey will soon have her own story to tell, and it will be fascinating.

I’m reading a book of essays by Elinor Lipman, who is mostly known for her novels of “Austen-like wit.” In one essay she writes that her son “is the best idea we ever had.” That bold claim seems absurd when put in context. I worry about Lucia being born in a time of NSA surveillance, climate change, unquestioned technological change, increasing income disparity, and on and on. Of course, my kids were born during the Reagan administration, which set the course for the neoliberal agenda that is the cause of much of what I’m worrying about for Lucia. I was worried then, too, but I still had my babies. Maybe we keep having them because they help allay these fears through both their need and their gift: parenthood. I’m very glad I didn’t miss it.

The fact that they’re now having babies—or one of them is—is mind boggling. It won’t really register until I’m in the delivery room holding my granddaughter. So I’m waiting, Lucia, as are your mom and dad. Please let them know it’s time for the phone call.

Role Reversal

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For reasons unknown I have a free subscription to Backpacker Magazine. I usually don’t read it, although I’ve been a backpacker all my life: don’t need anymore gear and don’t want to feel bad about all the beautiful places I’ve never been.

But I happened to flip to a short article the other day that starts out: “Mom wanted to turn back.” So, being a mom, and being 63, a year older than the mom in question, I continued reading. The family had canoed into Canyonlands National Park but were out hiking up one of the side canyons when they encountered a “van sized rock” that was blocking passage through the canyon slot. No problem; the sister hoisted mom onto the shoulders of one of the brothers while the other brother pulled her up from the top of the rock.

This role reversal made a big impression on her, as it did on me the first time Jakob had to finagle the safety strap off my telemark skies because I couldn’t stay on my knees long enough to do it myself. This was at the same ski area where years ago he and I climbed up the slopes in the deep powder—before it opened for the season—and I was the one on my knees struggling to get his skis on him in four feet of snow. He remembered, and casually commented, wasn’t it funny, him helping me with equipment.

Then there was Saturday before last, in four feet of snow again, only this time it was sloppy spring snow and our snowshoes were busting through the crust every few steps as we slogged our way up the trail in the Pecos Wilderness. We were doing this because he needed to take photographs of ski clothes in the snow for one of the magazines he reviews for, and the only snow to be found was above 10,000 feet.

He also thought it would be a great way to celebrate a belated Mother’s Day, so the role reversal that day made even more of an impression on me. On one of the steepest sections of the trail, as I followed behind, my snowshoe fell into the depression his shoe had made but continued downward until it was wedged under a log and I was up to my thigh in snow. I pulled and tugged and tried to reach my binding with my hand, to no avail. Resigned, I had to call for help. Laughing, he quickly dug me out with my pole and pointed out, once again, how funny the situation was.

I’m not sure what I’d call it: funny is better than sad, which was an element of my emotional palette. But I also felt proud of both of us, actually: he, who was obviously delighted to be of help; and me, for being out there skiing and snowshoeing with diminished strength and skill but at least still out there.

Exhausted before we made it to the lakes we took off our snowshoes and Jakob spent two hours taking pictures: jackets on, with the dogs, (who also hated the post holing), without the dogs, with the ridgeline as backdrop, without the ridgeline, with trees, without trees, on the rock, in front of the rock; jackets off, lying in the snow, in the sun, in the shade, until the whole damn camera card was full. It was all rather ridiculous, but that made the role reversal a little easier to take: not all the laughter was at my expense.

“I’ll Take You There”

Mavis Staples “took us there” last Friday night at a benefit for the Outpost Performance Center in Albuquerque. The “us” were the folks over 50 who grew up listening to Pops, Mavis, and sisters, known as the Staples Singers; the “there” was the place that only live music by one of the great R & B singers of all time can take you. We’re talking Aretha Franklin, Etta James, Laura Nero, Patti LaBelle, and potentially Beyonce, who now says she wants to get back to her “roots” and be a “real” soul sister instead of an MTV playdoll (see "Reflections on the Super Duper Bowl").

Mavis came out with a cane, having “blown out” her knee, with an amazing band that’s been with her as she’s resurrected a career that got a little off track through the eighties and nineties. Even though I could count on one hand the 20, 30, or 40 somethings at the concert, there are a few in the know who helped in her new career: Have a Little Faith was produced by Jim Tulio and You Are Not Alone by Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy.

These guys know their R & B history. And there must be others out there who know their jazz, but they don’t come to the concerts at the Outpost, either. When I go there to hear Ravi Coltrane or Bill Frisell or Oliver Lake, gray hair and wrinkles predominate.

What’s going on? In the May 27 New Yorker George Packer quotes a Silicon Valley start-up engineer talking about his techie cohort: “They’re ignorant, because many of them don’t feel the need to educate themselves outside their little world, and they’re not rewarded for doing so. . . . People with whom I used to talk about politics or policy or the arts, they’re just not into it anymore. They don’t read the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times. They read TechCrunch and VentureBeat, and maybe they happen to see something from the Times on somebody’s Facebook news feed.”

Notice we’re not even talking about reading the New Yorker or Andrew Soloman or Zadie Smith currently on the newstands and best seller lists at Amazon. Ever heard of Edmund Wilson or Twyla Tharp? Janet Frame or Werner Herzog? An entrepreneur Packer interviewed told him he went a few years without reading a single book. Yet these are the guys (and it’s mostly guys, and they’re mostly white) who call themselves the “Best and the Brightest.” Do they even know that’s the title of David Halberstam’s book? Do they really want to be identified with the academic policy wonks in the Kennedy administration who were responsible for the Vietnam War?

But according to Packer’s article, they have no interest in politics or the history that contextualizes it. When they do decide that for whatever reason—good PR? bad conscience?—it might be a good idea to give some of their billions to non-profits and charitable foundations Bill Gates ends up supporting the educational policies of Michelle Rhee, teaching to bad tests, and Mark Zuckerberg wants to reform immigration by bringing in more educated foreigners to work as engineers and designers.

It’s not just the techies, of course, who have no interest in politics, art, literature . . . . but I’m beginning to sound like a broken record (see "Jamaica Kincaid"). It seems a generation of people who knew at least a little about a lot of things is fading away while a generation that knows about nothing but one thing is the future. But hey, the one thing they do know about, social media, is how they’re going to “entertain each other and interact with each other and do things for each other much more efficiently” (as one of Packer’s interviewees waxes poetic). That what they’re doing so efficiently has no content doesn’t seem to matter. 

Springtime in New Mexico

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It’s been a lousy spring in northern New Mexico: freezing cold (except for a few days when we were tantalized with 70 degrees); incessant wind; and negligible rain. I lost all my fruit except for a few plums and sour cherries; the sweet cherry blooms were starting to form and then disappeared after three nights of 15 to 20 degree temperatures. The apples never formed blossoms at all. I know the folks down in Albuquerque are thankful that the ninety-degree days have yet to begin, but unless it’s hot in Albuquerque it’s still winter up here.

Right now I’m experiencing the juxtaposition of sitting by the fire before going out to check the irrigation water in my fruitless orchard. While the run-off from the high country snow has yet to come (Jakob was up skiing the chutes and measured five feet of snow) my first-in-line village is using the mid to low level run-off to jump start the hay fields and orchards that will all too soon be thirsty. The dismal monthly predictions issued by the Natural Resources Conservation Service have most watersheds at less than 50 per cent of normal snowpack, and the farmers in southern New Mexico are pumping the aquifer to keep their crops alive because there isn’t enough water in Elephant Butte Reservoir to release for irrigation. Texas is suing New Mexico claiming non-delivery of Rio Grande Compact water because, as we all know, groundwater and surface water are inextricably entwined. Looks like dismal spring will segue into dismal summer, especially for those whose livelihoods are threatened by this terrible drought exacerbated by climate change.

I can still grow some vegetables in my garden and hoop house and go to the grocery store for the rest. Living off the land is more an idea than a reality for me (much less a necessity, of course). That’s not to say, however, that my attachment to, and appreciation of, this place where I live isn’t foremost in mind even as I complain. I have a warm, homemade adobe house, small courtyard of grass and flowers, orchard, garden, hoop house, fields of hay, two acequias, and one river as my “place.” I can’t imagine who I might be in a different place. Half my time is spent dealing with it: irrigating the hay fields; pruning the trees; rototilling, planting, and then weeding the garden; weed whacking the orchard grass; waging war against the burdock down in the bosque; trying to figure out why Jack the horse has lost hair on two patches of his back; cutting firewood for winter. Speaking of winter; that’s when I have to split the firewood and kindling, bring it to the house, make and sustain a fire every day, shovel the driveway and deck, and feed the horse.

What else would I be doing? Writing novels? I’ve written two of them plus a collection of short stories (all in the bottom drawer of my desk, as we used to say before computers). Working at a real job? The only ones I ever had were as a seasonal employee of the Forest Service in a fire lookout or patrolling the mountains by truck or on foot. Now my job is to harangue the Forest Service in the pages (actually, on the web) of La Jicarita, which I can do without ever leaving my “place.”

How long I can keep doing this remains to be seen. I figure if I’m lucky I’ve got ten more years here by myself, with a little help from my friends (like cutting the wood) and mother nature, with a little more rain and snow. Then what? I haven’t lived in a town for 40 years. Albuquerque? Too hot, in water crisis mode, and there’s no guarantee Jakob and Casey will still be there. Santa Fe? Unaffordable, bourgeois, also running out of water (although busily importing agricultural water to make up for it). Wherever Max ends up? Doubtful; we may talk on the phone all the time and have fun together, but does he want to live with his mother? Nah.

So back to just being here, day by day, until I can’t be here. Then I’ll be there, wherever there might be. I’ll worry about where is there tomorrow.